Margarine

I think i'm hardening.
Not like a rock.
More like an old, flakey plastic toy.
Kind of crinkled and dent.
With every heart held in my hands
Ability lost to tolerate
Imbalance

I think hardening means
Advocating for myself
Finally.
All it took was trauma
No big deal.

I think trauma makes me better.

How intense is that?
We'll only be kind to ourselves
After we've felt enough stabs from those we've loved and trusted
After enough volatile storms
Where were question it all.

Even better if you're real young when the trauma begins.

Die a little and then you can live
And breathe freely.
You can't skip the dying part
However.

Is it me or are the most balanced people
Those who've experienced the most imbalance?
Is it me or do those who love the hardest
Come from a hole where they only felt apathy.
I can't be the only one who has noticed compassion dripping from the eyes of those who haven't felt it themselves
And none from those who have been saturated with it.

Yes im describing empathy.
But you can't really use words to describe anything.
Says the ironic poet.

Words are just letters.
Letters are just lines.
Lines are what we're given by the insincere.
My what pretty words you have there
Mind if I eat them entirely?

Oops I might be sick.
I'm doing whole30
And i'm pretty sure those words were over processed.
That fine line between just real enough to digest,  but like a molecule away from plastic.

Margarine rhetoric.

I have to believe everyone is doing their best.
Myself included.
Sometimes I think it'd be so much easier to hate.
Until hate creeps in
And sucks my soul out.

I don't want to hate.
I'd rather hug.
Elyse,  control your inner hipster!
Oh no she's coming out
I can smell the patchouli.
Don't move
She's here.

Everyone is our beloved.
I am oneness
If I was in their level of consciousness
And had their experiences.
I would behave the same way.

Grunts*

Ok she's gone.

What was I saying?

I'll take a bourbon double.